I think I can, I think I can...

Whew, what a day. It wasn't totally a day from "you know where" but just one of those days you're SO ready to be over. One of those days that starts with a headache, little sleep and no husband. Oh, and two very LOUD children. Now, I'm not going to name names, but I had one of those parent-challenging days because of one of my children...the one who won't take naps...the one who decides to take her underwear off to do her business on the floor during supposed naps...the one who runs away from me while trying to load two children into the car...the one who laughs at my futile attempts to discipline patiently...the one who suddenly is literally deaf to every single word that comes out of my mouth...that one. Of course, I lost my internal battle to be patient halfway through the day. It didn't help that I had disregarded my mess of a house so that I could spend time wasting some of that mischievous energy playing outside all afternoon. Didn't seem to help. But after I had exasperatedly plopped said uncooperative child into bed after yet another mini battle tonight, I came downstairs still fuming. Part of me wondered in awe how the women in my life were able to raise so many more children (and still are) and come away from the experience completely sane! Can I really do this?? Of course, after about fifteen minutes, I start thinking about all the things I could have done differently today, worrying if Ki- uh, I mean, said child, would grow up remembering this day and how awful her mother was, scarred for life. It didn't help that I was going through pictures I had taken of her today, chastising myself for getting so frustrated and upset at such a cute, innocent(-looking) child. As I sat there feeling like the biggest failure of a mother, I noticed her face...her smile. It's so...genuine. Then, a tiny, timid thought passes quickly through my mind, You can't be doing that bad, look how happy she is! I almost didn't catch it. I guess, in the end, I hope she can filter through the raised voice, time-outs, and tears and know how much I truly love her and love being her mother. Because I really do. I guess maybe I can do this.

I think she's thinking about how unfair mommy's been today.